Voodoo LLP Doll Voodoo LLP Doll Female

Don't get mad.
Get Even.

Voodoo LLP—where law firm management meets the dark art of needlepoint.

There's a reason you're here and that reason probably just dumped a pile of work on your desk and then left for the cottage. Not to worry. We feel your pain and have provided this website as an instructional tool for extracting subtle but effective revenge.

If you are already proficient at voodoo magic, you'll find our Voodoo LLP dolls to be a very natural extension of your usual practices. If this is your first time, each doll has been vigorously tested to work consistently within any legal environment.

Instructions
  1. Take out doll
  2. Remove pin
  3. Use our How To Guide to address your needs

Repeat daily (or as often as necessary)

Remember, if your reasons for needing this doll are marketing related, we at Cubicle Fugitive thrive on last minute assignments, unrealistic timelines, and challenging projects.

Remember it's all about conviction. Enjoy!

Get Started

It's never been easier to stick a needle in that special someone's eye.

(Or other places for that matter.)

1. Better than aspirin

Got an attorney-induced migraine? Two pokes here for a fast-acting, 24-hour pain remedy.

2. Silence is golden

Want genuine peace and quiet? Trace the pin around the lips for instant silence (also works for bad breath).

3. Hunt and peck

Still getting emails at 11pm? Five pokes to each hand will limit electronic messaging capabilities. Combine with a poke to the lips to eliminate digital dictation as well.

4. Pain in the *$$

Every boss can be a bit of an *$$. Stick the doll here and your pain is now their pain.

Voodoo LLP doll with pins

5. Turn a blind eye

Planning an extended lunch without booking vacation time? A double poke here and no one will even notice you were gone.

6. Lend an ear

Want attorneys to spend more time listening? Poke here and swish around. Pro-tip: the deeper the poke, the greater the impact on balance.

7. Matters of the heart

A quick poke to the old love muscle will get the emotions (and waterworks) flowing. Results vary by original size of heart.

8. Honestly, do you need a reason for this one?

"While primarily to be used as a tool for revenge, Voodoo LLP dolls are uniquely multi-purposed and can solve a variety of challenges inside and outside the workplace."

Here are a few other suggested usages:

Office

  • Multiple assistants called in sick? Voodoo LLP dolls are well-versed in legal software, adept at fixing printer jams and can type 120 words per minute.
  • Have a last minute event to plan? Leave the details to your Voodoo LLP doll. He'll scout locations, choose the food and hire a marketing firm (ahem, us) to design the invitations. Your doll will not expect an invite.
  • Need expert testimony? Your doll speaks fluent legalese. Just put her on the stand and she'll tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but your truth.

Personal

  • Don't want to drink alone? Pop open the cork and pour two glasses guilt-free. Drink them both. This doll won't tell.*
  • Forgot your daughter's birthday? Wrap up a Voodoo LLP doll and say, "Look honey, I bought you a new doll. It's Ken's evil brother, Burt." Even Barbie likes a bad boy.
  • Looking for an excuse to let loose? Our Voodoo LLP dolls are always up for a night out and they fit neatly into any pocket or purse. Instant best friend.

*Not a legally binding NDA. Cubicle Fugitive & Voodoo LLP are in no way responsible for any information shared between you and your doll. **See full legal disclaimer.

FAQs

Is this for real?

Yes. Well kind of. Actually, not really. This is for real jokes and is intended to be taken in good humour. If you do not have good humour, you've made it too far and should turn back immediately.

When is the best time to use my doll?

When no one is looking.

Can this be used on an entire practice group?

Yes, but for best results, use it on the practice group leader first and monitor results. We call it the "Queen Bee" approach.

Can this doll be used from long distances (e.g. from home)?

Who are you kidding? You don't get to go home.

If my boss is a female, can I get a doll that looks like a woman?

First, don't ask that question out loud. Second, yes. And she can do anything that he can, if not at least 33% better. Dammit.

What happens if the lawyer sees this doll?

Act natural. Do whatever you normally do to get attorneys to leave your office — offer to have him lead a committee of associates to discuss office renovations. If that doesn't work, offer him a drink from your emergency stash.

Will this actually work?

Um…we don't know.

About Us

Marketing your business shouldn't be complicated. At Cubicle Fugitive, we pride ourselves on being transparent, easy to work with, full-service and fun.

Having both worked in and alongside law firms for many years, Cubicle Fugitive has a unique understanding of Legal Marketing and appreciates the complexities and time constraints of a partnership mentality. We thrive on having our designs judged by a committee of attorneys.

Our recommendations are based on fundamental business strategy and are backed by years of industry experience. We are 100% client-centric, meaning we eliminate the headaches associated with a typical marketing agency while providing a full-range of services to help you grow your firm.

In essence, we take marketing and make it simple.

Toll Free: 1.800.208.6529
Email: info@cubiclefugitive.com
Web: www.cubiclefugitive.com
Facebook: facebook.com/cubiclefugitive
Twitter: twitter.com/cubiclefugitive
LinkedIn: linkedin.com/company/cubicle-fugitive

*

FINE PRINT

Seriously, no parts of the Voodoo LLP products or pamphlet are intended to be taken seriously. Voodoo LLP, the pamphlet and the doll were not meant to offend or harm anyone. Likeness of the Voodoo LLP doll to any actual person is completely coincidental. Everything we have created is to have fun and make work a little more enjoyable. It's the cubicle fugitive way.

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